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Girl in CHG Train Like a Girl top flexing — building confidence in girls football
← Back to Coaches Corner Building Confidence

Confidence in girls isn't just about what happens on the pitch.

The signals are subtle. The causes are real. And most of them have nothing to do with football ability.

What this page gives you

→The confidence signals most coaches miss
→Five specific situations that affect girls' confidence — and what to do about them
→What's in your control — and what just needs your awareness
→A free tool to help you understand every girl individually
What confidence really looks like

A girl who has lost confidence doesn't always tell you.

She goes quiet. She stops trying new things. She starts making excuses not to come. She says she's fine.

By the time a coach notices a confidence problem, it's usually been building for weeks. Because girls don't perform their lack of confidence the way boys often do — they internalise it. They manage it. And they eventually remove themselves from the situation that's causing it.

Some of what affects girls' confidence is outside your control entirely. But understanding what's happening in your squad — even the things you can't fix — makes you a better coach. It changes how you read behaviour. It changes how you respond. And sometimes, that awareness is enough to stop a girl from disappearing.

The girl who stopped trying wasn't lazy. The girl who stopped coming wasn't uninterested. The girl who said she was fine — wasn't.

What's really happening in your squad

Five things that affect girls' confidence that nobody talks about.

These aren't generic coaching tips. These are the specific, real situations happening in grassroots girls' squads every week.

Awareness

From "look at me" to "don't look at me"

Younger girls often love being watched. They want the ball. They want to be seen. Then something shifts — usually around age 10-13 — and the same girl who used to run at everyone suddenly hangs back, avoids the spotlight and shrinks in the group.

Social media is a significant driver of this. Girls start comparing their bodies, their ability, their appearance to images that have nothing to do with grassroots football. The girl who used to perform is now performing for an invisible audience that she's already decided she doesn't measure up to.

What you can do

Don't call her out when she hangs back — that makes it worse. Instead, create low-pressure moments where she can shine without an audience. Pair her with a trusted teammate. Praise privately. Give her a role that uses her confidence rather than demanding she perform it.

In your control

Kit comfort as girls develop

A girl who is uncomfortable in her kit is managing two things at once. She's trying to play football while simultaneously managing how she looks, whether she's covered, whether her kit fits the way she needs it to. That is an enormous cognitive and emotional load on top of the game itself.

CHG doesn't supply match day kit — but as a coach, size variety matters. A kit that fits badly doesn't just look wrong. It makes a girl feel exposed in a way that directly affects how she moves, how hard she tries, and how safe she feels on the pitch.

What you can do

Make sure training bibs and training kit come in enough sizes that every girl feels covered and comfortable. Normalise leggings under shorts — no questions asked, no explanation needed. A girl who feels physically comfortable in her kit is a girl who can focus on football.

In your control

The sub mindset

Not starting affects girls differently to boys. A boy who isn't in the starting eleven is often frustrated, vocal, ready to prove a point when he comes on. A girl who isn't starting has often already decided — by the time the shirts go out — that she isn't good enough, isn't wanted, doesn't belong.

The moment of handing out the starting eleven is too late to manage that mindset. The conversation needs to happen earlier — not just when you pull her aside on matchday, but in training, in your regular communication, in the culture you build around every girl having a role regardless of whether she starts.

What you can do

Have the conversation on Thursday, not Sunday. Tell her she won't be starting before she has to find out with everyone else watching. Be specific about why — and specific about what you need from her when she comes on. A girl who feels prepared and valued can handle not starting. A girl who feels like an afterthought can't.

Awareness

Social cliques and exclusion

Some girls in your squad go to the same school. Some are in the same friend group. Some get invited to the birthday parties and the group chats — and some don't. You won't always know which is which. But the dynamics play out on your pitch every single week.

A girl who feels socially excluded from the group doesn't suddenly feel included when she puts a training bib on. She arrives already carrying something. The social hierarchy of the squad often mirrors — or makes worse — the social hierarchy outside it.

What you can do

Watch the edges of your squad as closely as the centre. The girl who always pairs with the same person, who is never in the middle of a group conversation, who arrives alone and leaves alone — she's telling you something. You can't fix friendship groups but you can create structures in training that mix the squad deliberately and give every girl visibility.

In your control

Who gets seen — and who doesn't

In every squad, the same girls tend to get the most coach attention. The ones who are loud, the ones who are talented, the ones who respond visibly to feedback. It's not deliberate. It's human. But the girls who get the least attention are often the ones who need it most.

A girl who goes an entire session without being spoken to individually has noticed. She has drawn her own conclusions about what that means. And those conclusions are rarely generous.

What you can do

Make it a habit to speak to every girl individually in every session. Not always about football. Sometimes just a check-in. Her name. Eye contact. One sentence that says she was seen today. It takes thirty seconds. It changes everything about how valued she feels.

The honest truth

Some of this is life. All of it deserves your awareness.

You can't fix social media. You can't undo friendship groups. You can't control what happens at school on Monday that a girl brings to training on Thursday.

But a coach who understands what their girls are navigating is a coach who responds differently. Who reads behaviour more generously. Who doesn't mistake withdrawal for attitude. Who gives a girl the benefit of the doubt when she's having a bad session.

That awareness — even without action — changes the relationship between a coach and a girl. And that relationship is the most powerful confidence-building tool you have.

The most valuable asset a girls' club has isn't its pitch. It's a coach who gets it.

Free tool

Find out what's happening before it becomes a problem.

Her Voice Matters gives every girl in your squad a private way to tell you — in 2 minutes — how she's really feeling. The belonging questions are the ones that matter most for confidence.

A girl who answers yes to "I'm not sure if I fit into this team" or "I would like to talk to my coach about how I fit in" is raising her hand. Quietly. In the only way she feels safe doing it. Her Voice Matters makes sure you hear her.

Try Her Voice Matters — free →
Where next

Confidence connects to everything.

Every page in the Coaches Corner feeds into how confident a girl feels in your squad.