Supporting Coaches with Parent Communication

Coaches Corner

Communicating with parents as a grassroots coach

Playing time. Team selection. Side Line instructions. The message after the game.

You volunteered to coach the girls. Nobody really warns you how much of the job will involve the parents.

And when you're already giving up your evenings and weekends, being questioned about decisions can be frustrating.

We get it.

But one thing is worth remembering:

You're coaching a squad of players. A parent is watching one.

Most of the time, they're not trying to criticise you. Their daughter is upset, frustrated or losing confidence — and their instinct is to try to make it better.

That doesn't mean they're always right. And it doesn't mean you have to change your decision. But understanding where the conversation is coming from can make it much easier to deal with.

A parent is unhappy about playing time, subs or team selection

Responding to a concern

If you know a decision may disappoint her, get to the player first. A quick explanation before she goes home can stop her having to make sense of the decision alone — and means the parent isn't left trying to work out what happened from an upset player.

A way to start the conversation

"I understand [name] is disappointed that she didn't start today / didn't get as much playing time as she'd hoped. I spoke to her and explained the reasons for the decision, but I know it's hard when all she wants to do is play. If she wants to talk it through a bit more, let me know and I can catch her before training."

Also searched: why isn't my daughter starting · why was she substituted · why is she getting less playing time · team selection complaints

Parents giving instructions from the sideline

Reaching out first

Parents don't always hear themselves as coaching. They hear themselves as helping. This is one most grassroots coaches will recognise. You’ve worked on something in training, then the player hears something different from the side.

Most parents aren’t trying to undermine you — they’re passionate, they want the team to do well and they genuinely think they’re helping. With the right conversation, you can help them see the difference between encouragement and instruction without turning it into a confrontation.

A message you can send

"Hey [name], thanks for coming down today to support the girls — it's great seeing the sidelines full of parents. A few of the girls have mentioned getting confused on the pitch when they're hearing different instructions from the sidelines. We know everyone is trying to help, but we're really trying to get the girls to trust their own judgement and make decisions for themselves. We're asking all parents to keep the encouragement coming, but try not to overwhelm the girls with instructions. If you ever want to chat about anything we're working on, just drop me a message. Thanks again for the support and see you next week."

Also searched: parents coaching from the sideline · parents shouting instructions · touchline coaching · how to stop parents coaching during matches

A parent messages straight after the game

Responding to a concern

You don't have to get pulled into the conversation there and then. The important thing is making sure the parent knows they've been heard — then coming back when you can actually give the conversation your attention.

A way to respond

"Thanks for messaging — I've got it. Let me come back to you a little later when I can concentrate properly and we can have a proper conversation about it."

Also searched: parent complaint after game · angry parent message · parent wants to speak after match

A parent questions where their daughter is playing

Responding to a concern

Sometimes you're trying something new, developing another part of her game, or working on something that's already been discussed in training. You don't need to defend every decision — but giving the player context can stop her going home trying to work it out for herself.

A way to respond

"I understand why you're asking. We're trying [name] in a slightly different role at the moment because we've been working on [reason/skill] with her in training. I've spoken to her about what we're looking for, and we'll keep checking in with her as she gets used to it."

Also searched: why is my daughter playing there · parent questioning position · parent questioning coaching decisions

How do I deal with a difficult parent?

The hard one

Dealing with a difficult parent is one of the toughest parts of grassroots coaching. Most of the time, difficult behaviour is being driven by frustration — theirs or their daughter's.

Before defending the decision or getting pulled into an argument, try to work out what they're actually frustrated about. "Your decisions are unfair" is difficult to solve. "She doesn't understand why she was substituted" is something you can actually address. If the issue is really about how the player is feeling, you may be able to take it back into the coach–player relationship.

If the player needs the conversation

"It sounds like she's really disappointed about this. Leave that one with me — I'll have a chat with her at training and make sure I understand how she's feeling."

If the complaint is too vague

"I want to understand what's bothering you. What's the main thing you'd like us to talk about?"

Don't argue with the reaction. Find the frustration underneath it.

Understanding where frustration comes from does not mean accepting abuse, threats or repeated unacceptable behaviour. Those are a different situation, and you're right to draw a line.

Also searched: how to deal with difficult parents as a coach · aggressive parent grassroots · managing parent conflict football

A parent says their daughter has lost confidence or isn't enjoying it

This one helps you

This is where parent communication can genuinely help you. Parents see things you don't — the car journey home, the change in mood, the "I don't want to go tonight." You see the training session and the squad. Neither of you sees the whole picture on your own.

A way to respond

"Thanks for telling me. I might not have seen that from her in training, so it's useful to know. I'll keep an eye on it and find a good moment to check in with her."

Also searched: my daughter has lost confidence in sport · she doesn't want to go to training · girl losing interest in football

Set the tone before there's a problem

A lot of this gets easier if parents know where you stand from the start. We've written two short coach-to-parent notes you're welcome to use — add your name, tweak the wording, and send them at the beginning of the season. One is a simple, honest note about how you'll work together. The other is for coaches using CHGConnect. Have a look at both and use whichever fits.

The start-of-season note

For any grassroots coach

Dear [parents / families],

As a volunteer coach, I won't always get everything right — but I will always do my best for the girls and the team.

There will be decisions along the way that are difficult, and probably some we won't all agree on. All I ask is that we work together, keep conversations constructive and remember that we're ultimately trying to achieve the same thing.

You see a side of your daughter that I don't. You hear the conversations on the way home and might notice when her confidence drops or she's not enjoying things as much as she was. If something is affecting her experience with the team, an early conversation can give me useful context and help us support her.

Most importantly, I want the girls to enjoy being part of this team, feel valued and continue to have the opportunity to play the sport they love.

We're all on the same team — theirs.

[Coach name] · [Team / club]
Champion Her Game

Download this letter (Word) →

What we're trying to create for your daughter

For coaches using CHGConnect

Dear [parents / families],

As your daughter's coach, I want her to develop as a player — but I also want her to enjoy being here, feel part of the team and know that she matters.

That's why we use CHGConnect. It helps me understand the player behind the shirt — how she likes to be coached, what she wants from her sport and how the team is feeling as the season goes on.

From time to time, I'll send the girls a quick anonymous check-in. Please encourage your daughter to take part — we do this because every opinion matters. It gives every player a simple way to have a voice and helps me better understand what the girls need from me and from the team. If she feels she needs a conversation with me, there's also a hand raise option she can use.

CHGConnect also helps us recognise what players bring to the team beyond results and mistakes — helping us make sure she continues to feel seen, valued and an integral part of our squad.

We are committed to finding ways to listen, understand and support each player as an individual. Thanks for helping us create that together.

[Coach name] · [Team / club name]

Download this letter (Word) →

Where CHGConnect fits

A lot of parent frustration starts with how their daughter feels. It often sounds like this:

  • "My daughter never gets noticed."
  • "It's always the same girls getting praised."
  • "She never gets a chance to speak."
  • "I don't think the coach really knows her."

These are hard things for one volunteer coach to manage consistently across a whole squad. That's why some of CHGConnect's features exist:

RecognitionHelps you deliberately notice what players bring beyond obvious results and standout performances.
Player voiceGives every girl a route to contribute — not only the confident ones who naturally speak first.
Remembering the individualHelps you keep hold of what matters to each player when you're trying to remember 15, 18 or 20 different people.
Check-ins & hand raiseHelps quieter players say something when they might never walk over after training and start the conversation themselves.

CHGConnect was built to help coaches manage the human side of coaching a whole squad. It doesn't replace the coach–player relationship — it supports you in listening, remembering, noticing and recognising more consistently.

See how CHGConnect helps →

Nobody gives you a manual for this bit

You probably volunteered to coach the sport. Then came the confidence, friendships, parents, team culture and difficult conversations.

That's what Coaches Corner is for — practical support for the parts of coaching girls that don't appear on a session plan.